Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew & One Shot's
by Shadow of the Forgotten
Summary: A collection of humorous one shot's involving the Trigun crew. Includes: Vash's painful lesson about never stealing food, Vash and Wolfwood getting in trouble, the real reason Vash is known as 'the Stampede' and more.
1. Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

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"VASH, GET YOUR DOUGHNUT LUVIN ASS BACK HERE!!" Meryl screamed, as she chased the man known as the Humanoid Typhoon around the mansion they were currently staying at. "I KNOW YOU STOLE MY LUNCH!" She yelled when she spotted a flash of red heading around a corner.

"I didn't eat it, I swear!" Vash said frightened, as he found a space to crawl into.

Unfortunately, he'd been dropping crumbs and had ended up leaving a trail right to his hiding place, a trail which Meryl had been thrilled to find. Seeing his spiked hair sticking out of a box, she smirked evilly. Quietly, so as not to alert her prey, Meryl slowly stalked up to his hiding place. When she was finally within range, she pounced. Grabbing Vash by his collar, she pulled him out of the box he was cowering in and started walking down the hall, dragging him behind her while he protested his innocence.

"Honest." He whined. "I didn't touch your food. 'But if I did, I'd tell you never to buy the ham and cheese again. Nasty.'" Vash said the last part under his breath.

Luck was not on his side today though, because Meryl heard it. Her eyes flashed with anger and she clenched her fist. "I knew it!" She said shaking her head. "Why do you always steal my food?" She asked exasperated.

Vash smiled up at her innocently. "Because your food always taste's so much better than mine."

Sighing, Meryl dropped the infuriating man to the floor. "I don't know why I put up with you Vash the Stampede." Looking at him straight in the eyes, she glared menacingly. "But if you ever touch my food again I guarantee you'll be sorry." She said, shaking her fist at him.

Gulping, Vash watched as she walked away. 'I think she was truly mad at me this time.' He thought. 'Better be sneakier about it next time.' Grinning stupidly, he walked off planning his next meal heist.

ooooo

The next day Vash was at it again. He was waiting patiently, well at least as patiently as _he_ could, for Meryl to leave her food unprotected. Seeing her leave to go to the kitchen, he grinned. 'Now's my chance.' He thought happily, as he quickly ran in and swiped the sandwich from her plate. 'I'd better find a place to hide before she comes back.' He thought, as he absentmindedly took a bite. Suddenly his eyes widened and began to water. Swallowing the bite quickly, he opened his mouth and began chanting. "Water! Water! Water! I need water now!" He said as he dropped the food and started fanning his mouth with his hands. Running around the room like a chicken with its head cut off, he finally found some water and promptly guzzled the whole glass. "KYAAAAAAAAH!!" He screamed, as his tongue just seemed to get even hotter. Seeing Meryl walk in with a smirk on her face, Vash got worried. "Wha's goig on, haw ome iths ot orking?" He asked, holding his tongue out of his mouth.

"Because, hot sauce gets even hotter when you add water to it." Meryl replied haughtily, as she crossed her arms.

"Ot hauce?" He asked, still holding onto his tongue.

Meryl just shook her head and began to laugh. "Hahaaahhaaa! I told you you'd be sorry if you ever touched my food. Now look at you."

He did look rather funny with one hand holding his tongue out of his mouth while the other fanned it, all the while running back and forth around the room. Nodding her head at a job well done, Meryl left Vash to deal with his dilemma. 'Maybe now he'll think twice before he eats anything of mine again.' She thought smiling. Leaving him on his own, Meryl headed back into the kitchen so she could get her actual lunch. She had worked up quite an appetite with all that laughing.


	2. Why You Should Never Get In a Bar Brawl

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Why You Should Never Get Into a Bar Brawl

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Nicholas D. Wolfwood sat at a local bar, drinking whatever alcohol he could swipe from the drunks on the floor since he was to cheap to buy his own. He had left the apartment he shared with Vash the Stampede about 2 hours ago, when Meryl, Vash's girlfriend had shown up. She had been in an extremely foul mood and Wolfwood decided it would be safer to be anywhere but there. So he left the place and managed to find a free seat at the bar he was currently sitting at. He figured he'd head back to the apartment in another few hours. Thinking back about the look he'd seen on Meryl's face, he shook his head. 'Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow.' Then he'd be certain he wouldn't walk into a war zone. After all, he preferred to have his head attached to his body thank you very much.

Picking up another bottle from somewhere on the floor, Wolfwood was just about to take a drink, when Vash suddenly came flying over to him. "Wolfwood, you've got to help me!" Vash cried as he tried to hide behind the preacher. "Meryl is crazy today."

Wolfwood just laughed. "I don't know what's going on between you two, but whatever it is I'm sure you deserve it."

Vash looked aghast. "I didn't do anything; it was all your fault." When Wolfwood just looked at him confused, Vash continued. "Remember when you decided to go out on the town last week?" Seeing Wolfwood nod, he finished his thought. "Well apparently Meryl found out about the damage we caused at the bar, and now she's pissed."

"And this is my fault how?" Wolfwood asked as he took another drink.

"You're the one who started the fight! If it weren't for you nothing would have happened." Vash whined. "You always get me into trouble." He said pouting.

Laughing at his pathetic friend, Wolfwood smiled. "Hey just because I started the fight doesn't mean that you had nothing to do with it. If I remember correctly, you took out five guys before they kicked us out."

"Yeah, but…." Vash scowled when he couldn't think of anything to say back. Crossing his arms, he was about to stick out his tongue at Wolfwood when Meryl stormed in.

"VASH!" She screamed. "GET BACK HERE!" Seeing him hiding behind his friend, Meryl smirked as she walked over to the two men. "You." She said, as she grabbed Vash by the ear and made him face her. "Have a lot of explaining to do mister. And then you have a very large bill you have to pay to the owner of that bar."

Wolfwood began laughing again as he watched his friend get yelled at by his girlfriend. However, it ended quickly when he saw Milly walk in and start walking towards him. Raising his hands in front of his face in a pleading manner, he tried to get her to be reasonable. "Now Milly, calm down, it was just an accident and I fully intend to pay for all the damages I caused." Seeing her smile, he let out the breath he was holding. 'Good, she bought it.' He thought happily.

Milly smirked, before pulling out her huge gun and launching a piece of metal in the shape of an X at him, sending Wolfwood soaring into the bar's wall behind him. Meryl, after banging his head on the table a few times, decided at that time to send Vash to the land of unconsciousness too and punched him hard in the face, sending him flying towards the now sleeping Wolfwood. Vash landed on his friend with a loud crash, and pieces of the wall flew everywhere.

When the dust cleared, Milly and Meryl walked over to them dusting their hands off, while the two men were sprawled out under a pile of debris with little yellow birdies flying around their heads. Laughing at the pair, Meryl smiled. "And don't forget to pay for the damages here while you're at it." She said as they left the bar grinning.

The two men just laid there on the floor covered in dust and debris until the bar owner dumped a bucket of cold water on their heads. Jumping up, they both began chanting "Cold!" As they ran around trying to shake the water off. The owner of the bar, who had been laughing during their little dance, cleared his throat. "You two!" He said, pointing at Vash and Wolfwood. "Since you destroyed my wall, you get to work in the kitchen without pay." When he saw them about to protest, he continued. "And if you don't get to work ASAP, I'll call your little friends back in here and tell them you were refusing to pay."

Both men paled and their eyes widened. "Now there's no need for that." Wolfwood said hurriedly as he grabbed Vash's arm. "We were just heading back to the kitchen now. Isn't that right Vash?"

Vash nodded his head quickly and they both started running towards the back. Neither of them wanted to deal with the two insurance girls again. No way in hell.

The bar owner chuckled as he grabbed a broom and started to sweep up the mess. Those girls really made good on their end of the deal, now he had two people to help out around the bar for free. And all they wanted in return was for him to claim that the damage at his other bar, and of course the damage they did today, was caused by an earthquake. Since they worked for the insurance company, they said they'd make sure it went through and he got his money. Smiling, he shook his head. He definitely got the better end of this deal. Suddenly he heard dishes break and the new help yelling at each other. 'Then again, maybe not.' He thought groaning.


	3. Why They Call Him Vash the Stampede

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Why They Really Call Him Vash the Stampede

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Many of you know of Vash's many names. He has been called the Humanoid Typhoon, Mankind's First Localized Human Disaster and of course Vash the Stampede. Everyone knows the stories about how he got those names, but today I'll tell you the _real_ reason they call him Vash the Stampede.

It all started many years ago, back before the incident in July. Vash had been living in a small unknown town somewhere in the desert. He had saved a young child from drowning in a well and had been invited to stay with the child's family. Since Vash had been wandering aimlessly for the last few years, he decided to settle down for a while and took them up on their offer. He hadn't planned on staying very long, but soon the days turned to weeks and the weeks into months, and before he knew it several years had gone by.

Over the years he had spent there, Vash had gotten pretty comfortable. His life was very peaceful, until the day that new family moved in. Now this was no ordinary family, for one thing they were small and furry, and for another they lived in the trees in their backyard. Yep, you guessed it. It was a family of squirrels that had moved in.

Everything was fine in the beginning; Vash would leave them treats and watch them as they played in the yard. One day, however, Vash was in a particularly bad mood and he threw the treats at the squirrels instead. Needless to say, the squirrels got very angry and soon they had decided to attack. Vash stood dumbfounded as an enormous squirrel army seemed to form before him. Once their forces were mobilized, both sides stood staring each other down waiting for the other to make the first move.

Vash was the first. He just couldn't take it anymore and started laughing. The sight of hundreds of squirrels all lined up like little soldiers was just too funny. However, that was the worst thing he could have done. The squirrels took his laughter as an insult and began advancing. Seeing that, Vash stopped laughing and began retreating with his hands up in surrender, all the while asking if they could calmly work things out. The squirrels ignored his pleas and continued moving forward, so Vash kept retreating as well. They started moving faster and faster until Vash was running away at full speed. He headed through the small forest behind the house hoping to lose the squirrels before he tried to run inside.

This was the sight his host family saw. Vash running around wildly screaming "STAMPEDE!!" with a bunch of squirrels chasing after him. It took him several hours to get the squirrels to leave him alone, but by then the damage had already been done. For days after the incident, his host family would continuously ask him "Vash, so where's the stampede?" Over time it became shorter and shorter until eventually everyone began calling him Vash the Stampede.


	4. The Real Cost of the Crosses We Bear

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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The Real Cost of the Crosses We Bear

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Standing up, Vash yawned as he grabbed his gun and threw on his coat. Looking out the window of the place he was currently residing, he yawned once more. "Well I guess I'd better go tell Wolfwood it's time to head out." He said as he headed towards the door. "Don't have enough money to stick around any longer."

Throwing open the door to his cramped little room, he walked down the hallway to the last door on the left. Without so much as a knock, he pushed open the door and smiled brightly. "Good morning Wolfwood." He said cheerfully to the lump on the bed. "It's time to get up now."

With a groan, Wolfwood rolled over and burrowed back under the blankets. "Shut up, I'm still tired." He mumbled groggily.

"That's what you get for drinking too much." Vash said as he pulled back the blanket. "I told you you should've stopped after seven drinks, but nooo, you just had to try to beat that guy at his game."

"Well I won didn't I." Wolfwood said with a yawn as he slowly sat up. Glancing around, he raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Why am I getting up again, it's only a little past 11am?"

Vash shook his head. "If we don't leave soon that creepy old innkeeper will demand money for another night, and since you drank all our money away last night we can't afford to stay here again." He said as he tossed Wolfwood his shirt.

Shrugging on his clothes, Wolfwood stood up and stretched before grabbing his large cross and heading towards the door. "Well it was time for us to head out anyway." He said as they walked out of the room. "Since we managed to get some information out of that drunkard at the bar we now at least have some idea as to where Legato and Knives are hiding."

Nodding, Vash followed Wolfwood down the hallway and out onto the road.

As the time ticked slowly by, Vash began to get very bored so he tried several things to keep himself occupied. First he tried to count all the clouds in the sky, but that just gave him a killer headache. Next he started humming a simple tune, but Wolfwood nearly gave him a concussion when he repeated it nonstop for over an hour and a half. Finally, he found that alternating between skipping and hopping was a good way to pass the time until he tripped over his own feet and fell face first to the ground. Sighing, Vash resigned himself to another boring day and followed after Wolfwood quietly.

About an hour later, Vash glanced over at his preacher friend and eyed the cross on his back curiously. "Don't you ever get tired of hauling that thing around everywhere?" He asked suddenly. "It looks really heavy." When Wolfwood shrugged, he continued. "I know it has your weapons in it, but I'm sure you could find some other way to carry around your guns…like maybe several holsters or something."

As he set down his cross, Wolfwood shook his head at the blond haired gunfighter. "Ah, but this baby doesn't just carry my weapons, it also has a…" Pulling a microphone out of thin air, he swept his hand over the cross as spotlights suddenly appeared in the background. "…two burner stove, which runs on the two most common types of fuel by the way, with an optional grill rack! It has its own sink and a small cooler that fold down right here. All your dishes, cookware and utensils go in this rack that slides out here. Spices and condiments pop out of here. Tablecloths, napkins and trash bags are all held here and we can't forget the fact that the case itself folds out to be a table! It's the perfect thing for all those picnic lovers out there! Buy one now for the amazingly low price of only $179.99!"

Blinking, Vash began to back up slowly. "Um, I think I'll be going now." He said as he turned around and started to walk away.

"But wait, there's more!" Wolfwood cried out. "If you buy this wonderful piece in the next ten minutes we'll also include a set of bake ware at no additional cost! Yep you heard right folks, for the low price of $179.99 you get this amazing, super deluxe picnic set and the free bake ware as well!"

As Wolfwood's voice faded away in the background, Vash shook his head. "Ok, that's a side of him I hope I never have to see again. Scary." He muttered.


	5. Vacations Never Use to be this Stressful

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Vacations Never Use to be this Stressful

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"I'm finished!" Meryl said happily as she dropped the file she was working on in the 'out box' of her small desk. Standing up with a smile, she walked over to the break room that the employees of the insurance company used. "Hey Milly, are you in here?" She asked, peeking her head around the corner.

"I'm back here!" Milly shouted as she lifted her head up and dropped the rag she was using back into the bucket.

Smiling at her friend, Meryl shook her head. "You really need to stop getting in trouble or soon you'll be in charge of cleaning the whole floor."

"I know, boss tells me that all the time." Milly said, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. "I can't help it though, I just get so distracted."

Meryl chuckled. "Well put those cleaning supplies away, I've just finished the last of our paperwork so it's vacation time!" She said happily. "A whole week of relaxation and fun. And better yet…no annoying blonde idiot to bother us. This vacation is going to be great."

Standing up, Milly pulled the bandana off her hair and picked up the supplies. "Just give me a few minutes to put everything away and then we can leave." She said as she hurried off.

"Don't take too long!" Meryl shouted after her. "The bus leaves in ten minutes!" Pulling open her locker, Meryl grabbed the packed suitcase she always kept in there, just in case she had to run off to some far away place quickly. Whistling a small tune, she wheeled her bag behind her as she headed back into the main room of the office. Double checking her desk, to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, Meryl waited for Milly to join her.

A few minutes later Milly came rushing out. "Sorry it took me so long." She panted. "But I accidentally knocked over the broom and it made everything fall out of the closet. It took me awhile to clean it all up."

Meryl shook her head smiling. "We've still got plenty of time, but we should probably leave before the boss decides to cancel our plans." Seeing Milly nod, the two friends walked out of the office and down the street to the station.

The bus arrived a few minutes after they'd arrived and the two insurance girls quickly climbed inside. "I've been waiting for this day for four months." Meryl said, leaning back in her seat as the bus began to move. "No more reports to file, no more claims to look into, just five whole days or rest and relaxation."

"Yeah, we've been working really hard lately. I'm glad you decided to book us a spot at that small ranch just outside of town." Milly said happily. "I hear they have a wonderful hot spring there."

"I'm looking forward to a weeks worth of home cooked meals." Meryl said, rubbing her stomach with a smile. "I haven't had anything decent to each in over a month."

The two women continued to chat as the bus made its 45 minute trip to the edge of town. Once it stopped, Milly and Meryl stepped off and looked over at their temporary home for the week. "It's so cute!" Milly squealed, as they walked over to the door. "Just look at that beautiful garden."

"Come on, you can explore more once we drop our things off." Meryl said as she proceeded to drag her partner inside.

"Hello, and welcome to the Relaxation Ranch." A kindly old woman said from the front desk. "You two must be Meryl and Milly." Seeing their nods, she smiled. "My name is Sara and I'll be your host for the week. Please follow me and I'll show you to your rooms."

Grabbing her suitcase, Meryl followed after Sara with Milly right behind. "This is a wonderful place you have out here." Meryl said. "Very peaceful."

"That it is." Sara said, stopping at an open door. "This will be your room Milly, and Meryl, yours is right next door. The bathroom is down there at the end of the hall and the dining room is through there. Now I'll leave you two to get settled in, someone will be by in a few minutes to bring you fresh towels. Feel free to come and find me if you have any questions."

"We will, thanks!" Milly said as she waved at the old lady's back. Walking into her room, she plopped back onto the bed and giggled. "This is great."

Meryl walked down the hall to her room and went inside. Smiling at the quaint little room, she dropped her suitcase on the floor and sat down on the cozy looking bed. "Ah, this is the life." She said with a sigh.

Suddenly a person stumbled into the room and she found herself covered in towels.

"I'm so sorry!" A voice cried.

Pausing, Meryl pulled a towel away from her face and groaned at the man on the floor. "What the hell are you doing here Vash?" She asked in annoyance. "I thought you and Wolfwood were on your way to find Knives."

Vash looked up when he heard his name and smiled brightly. "Meryl, I didn't know you were going to be here too!" He said happily.

Just then Milly burst into the room. "Hey Meryl, you'll never believe who-…oh, hi mister Vash." She finished with a smile. "Isn't this great, the four of us are all on vacation together!"

"We're not here on vacation." Wolfwood said as he walked into the room. "The idiot over there lost all our money in a stupid bet so we're working here until we can buy passage on the bus."

Vash rubbed his head sheepishly. "I said I was sorry." He mumbled. "It's not like I meant to bet the money, I forgot that it was even in there."

"Great, there goes my peaceful vacation." Meryl muttered as Vash continued to talk.

"How the hell did you forget you put it in there?" Wolfwood practically screamed. "You always keep your money in that stupid little pouch!"

As Meryl continued to mutter to herself, Milly walked over to her side. "Are you feeling all right?" She asked curiously. "You don't look so good."

"It's not my fault, I was drunk remember!" Vash shouted.

Meryl clenched her fist as the two men continued to argue. "I'm perfectly fine." She bit out. "My vacation has just been ruined by a pair of noisy, damage causing, no good leeches. Why wouldn't I be fine."

Milly began to back away slowly as Meryl's eyes clouded over in rage. "Um, Meryl, it's not that big of a deal." She said in a calming voice. "There's no need to get violent."

"Well if you hadn't kept ordering those damn drinks you wouldn't have been drunk you idiot!" Wolfwood screamed back.

Picking up the small table that was next to her, Meryl began to laugh maniacally. "Die you scum!" She cried as she threw the table on top of the quarreling men. Jumping onto the table, she began to chant. "Die, die, die!"

Milly shook her head as she watched her friend stomp on the table. "I think she's going to need a vacation from her vacation." She muttered softly.


	6. Ali er…Vash in Wonderland

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Trigun or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Ali-er…Vash in Wonderland

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It was a beautiful day. A gentle breeze was blowing, keeping the temperature from reaching unbearable heights, and not a cloud could be seen in the sky. Parents took their children on picnics, shop owners moved tables outside so their patrons could enjoy the summer sun, and even the local animals were drawn out of their homes. In a word, it was perfect.

For everyone but Vash that is. While the townsfolk were out enjoying themselves in the bright blue sky, the blonde haired gun fighter was stuck in a dingy hotel room that only had one tiny window which barely let in any light. On top of that the bed he was currently confined to was lumpy, and the sheets smelled foul, as though they hadn't been washed in months.

With a huff, Vash rolled onto his side to stare at the small hole in the wall that led to freedom. Propping his head up on his arms, he pushed out his lower lip and pouted. It wouldn't make any difference, but at least he felt a little better. Before he could fully wallow in his own self pity the door to the room opened and in walked the tall, brown haired insurance woman who traveled with him. She was still wearing her white button up shirt and brown slacks so Vash knew he hadn't slept for too long, and she was carrying a bottle in one hand and a small cup in the other.

"Oh good, you're awake." Milly said cheerfully as she made her way to the side of the bed. "That's good. I was afraid I was going to have to wake you up."

Watching her as she pulled the top off the bottle and began to pour the thick brown liquid into the cup, Vash ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it more presentable. "Nah, I only dozed off for a little while. By the way, where's Meryl? I thought she was in charge of the medicine."

Milly smiled. "She said she needed to grab a few things at the store so I offered to take care of you this time." Seeing the liquid reach the top, she tipped the bottle back up and set it down on the table next to the bed. "Here you go, drink up."

Vash stared at the small cup in her hands and frowned. "I hate this stuff, it tastes awful." He whined childishly, but he still took the container and downed it in one gulp. Wincing at the horrible taste it left in his mouth, Vash handed the cup back. "I swear that crap gets worse each time."

"Cheer up." Milly said, grabbing the cup from Vash and setting it next to the bottle on the table. "At least you won't have to take it for much longer. The doctor said you'd be fine in another couple of days."

"I shouldn't have been hurt in the first place." He growled in annoyance. "Wolfwood should've known that those explosives were there, he was the one who set the charges to begin with! And then to send me back in after his bag, how inconsiderate can you get!" Crossing his arms over his chest, he looked up at the ceiling and huffed angrily. "As soon as my wounds heal I'm going to kill that damn preacher."

Patting his shoulder gently, Milly could only shake her head. Despite how he talked, Vash truly cared for Wolfwood and wouldn't actually hurt the man. Besides, if she remembered correctly, that wasn't the only reason Vash had gone back into the cave. Meryl had said he'd thought there was a secret passage that led to the Mayor's mansion, and since the Mayor had his niece staying with him…well, Vash always was a sucker for a beautiful woman. "Well I'd better get going. I told Wolfwood I'd meet him at a nearby restaurant for lunch and I don't want to be late. Meryl should be back shortly to look in on you."

"Sure, just go and leave me like everyone else." Vash said dejectedly. "Have fun eating out while I lay here and rot."

Waving over her shoulder Milly walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind her.

Once again Vash was left all alone. For the first few minutes he counted the holes in the ceiling since his eyes were already focused on it. He made it to fifty-seven before rolling back over to face the window. Three hundred breaths later and he was moving once more, this time facing the wall that held the door. Since this position was actually quite comfortable, he closed his eyes and tried to get some rest.

When he opened his eyes a little while later Vash noticed two things. First, the wall he was staring at was an interesting shade of brown, and second, it was staring back at him. Blinking, he looked again just to make sure. Yep, there were definitely two red eyes staring at him from the wall. Under normal circumstances he would probably find that incredibly odd, but at that moment it seemed perfectly reasonable to him that the wall would be looking at him.

He continued to stare into the eyes across the room from him until he decided a conversation might be a better way to pass the time. "Hello." He called out. "What's your name?"

There was silence for a minute and then a floorboard squeaked and Vash grinned happily. "So you can talk, wonderful. I'm Vash. It's very nice to meet you." Two more squeaks followed his greeting and Vash nodded his head in agreement. "Yes it is a wonderful day. Have you been outside yet?"

A strong breeze blew through the open window and rattled what little remained of the curtains that hung by it. "I see. Well that does make sense, you being a wall and all." Vash replied. "I'm stuck in here too. There was a huge explosion in the mines near here and I was a little too close to the 'boom'. The doctor said I was lucky to be alive, but I've had worse. I'm sure I'll be running around in no time."

Another squeak followed by a soft whistling sound as the wind whipped around an empty glass that was sitting on the desk under the window had Vash laughing. "He really said that? To his wife? Wow, that's some kind of stupid."

As Vash was getting ready to ask another question, the door was kicked open and Meryl walked in carrying a couple bags in one hand and a box of doughnuts in the other. Shoving the door shut with her foot, she dropped the bags next to the door. "Hey there, I brought you something to take your mind off your situation." She said, holding up the box and adjusting her large white coat with her free hand. "It's the super deluxe package."

"That's great, but I'm kind of in the middle of something." Vash said with a hint of impatience in his voice. "Would you mind moving out of the way?"

Blinking in shock, Vash had never turned down doughnuts before, Meryl quickly made her way to the bed so she could rest the back of her hand against his forehead. "Are you feeling alright?" She asked worriedly.

Swatting the hand aside, Vash snorted. "Of course I am. Now if you don't mind." He said, making a shooing motion with his hand, and then pointing towards the door when she failed to get the hint. "This is a private conversation so please leave."

"Fine, I'll go!" Meryl said, throwing her hands up in exasperation and turning around to leave. "Wait…what did you just say?"

"I _said_..." Vash began. "That you're interrupting a private conversation. So kindly get your butt out of here."

Ignoring his slightly rude tone, Meryl eyed the man sprawled out on the bed like he was crazy. "...with whom?" She asked slowly.

Glancing from the wall to Meryl and then back again several times Vash shook his head. "Well I suppose since you won't leave I may as well introduce you two. Mr. Brown, this is Meryl. Please excuse her rudeness. And Meryl, this is Mr. Brown. Actually, he really doesn't have a name so that's just what I call him since he's brown and all."

Meryl looked around the room, but finding no one, returned her eyes to the blonde haired man. "…am I missing something? There's no one here."

"Of course there is." Vash said in a tone that implied she was being stupid. "He's right there, you can't miss him." He finished, pointing at the wall expectantly.

"No, that's a wall."

Vash rolled his eyes. "Well duh. What did you expect, a flying monkey?"

Narrowing her eyes, Meryl crossed her arms and glared down him. "Have you been drinking?" She demanded. "Because the doctor was very specific about you not having any alcohol for at least two weeks."

"And where would this mysterious drink have come from?" Vash snorted. "As you can see it's not like I can really go anywhere." Tossing the blanket aside, he shook his leg just enough to rattle the chain that was holding him to the bed. "No thanks to you that is."

"I wouldn't have had to resort to that if you'd only stayed put like a good boy." Meryl replied, her hands moving to her hips. "The doctor said you'd re-open those wounds if you moved around too much and you just wouldn't stay still. It's not like I wanted to keep you locked inside for a week, but I worry about you!" Taking a deep breath, she ran a hand over her face. "But we're getting off topic here. I need to know exactly what you've been drinking so I can tell the doctor."

"I already told you, I haven't been drinking anything!" Vash snapped. "Ask Mr. Brown, he'll tell you. The only thing I've had today was that disgusting medicine Milly gave me a little while ago! I haven't even had my lunch yet!"

Dropping her eyes to the bedside table, Meryl saw a small cup next to it and nearly groaned. "Oh no, how much medicine did she give you?"

Vash tapped his chin in thought for a moment before replying. "A cupful I think." He said. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"…uh…no, nothing's wrong at all." Meryl blurted out. "Anyway, I have to be going now. Enjoy your time with the wall." With a wave, she backed out of the room as quickly as she could without looking like she was trying to run away.

"Huh, I wonder what that was all about." Vash said, and then shrugged as he turned back to face the wall. "Yeah, she can be a little much sometimes, but she's not so bad. Oh really, you thought she was nice. No I won't set you up with her, it would never work out."

Meryl leaned back against the wall outside Vash's room and shook her head while she listened to the one sided conversation. "I knew I shouldn't have let Milly give him that medicine, only she could mistake capful for cupful. Great, this is just what I need, a drugged up human disaster." Hearing Vash talk about the wall's love life, she decided to go take a walk. At least then no one would hear her laugh.


End file.
